


Bury the Dead Beneath You

by pinkieprimpotter



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, Angst, Ghost!Dan, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Paranormal, Phan - Freeform, Phan Angst, danisnotonfire - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-02 22:17:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5265719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkieprimpotter/pseuds/pinkieprimpotter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a car accident. A car had rammed into Dan, as he was texting Phil that he was just down the street. He was trapped behind heat and metal, and he felt so much pain he thought he would be ripped apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Little Bella

Every week, when Dan Howell went back to school, he told Phil he would be back very soon. He told Phil that they would go on adventures and go to Muse concerts, and they would be very happy. 

Once, Dan leapt up from his comfortable spot under Phil's arms and duvet, and began shouting about how dull and how boring school was, and how was he supposed to go on adventures and go to muse concerts if he was always stuck learning cruddy laws, he simply shouted that they should throw a dart on a map or pull a location out of a hat and just  _go._  They should have their adventures  

The dart landed on somewhere in Italy, and Dan filled the air with some sort of electric, warm static that made Phil's heart buzz in his chest. Wherever Dan wanted to go, Phil would follow. Phil just wanted to be wherever Dan was, he wanted to kiss every part of Dan's lips, wanted to spend every second with Dan. Phil wanted the splash of happiness in his chest to always grow until the day it consumed every bit of their lives. He adored the red marks across Dan's neck and collar bone, he loved and wanted to poke his dimples, and he found that he loved Dan. 

While they were in Italy, Dan begged Phil to go to the Grand Canal, go on a gondola ride, with him. When Phil suggested otherwise, Dan pulled the softest, warmest look he could. 

Phil decided maybe it would be fun  

Phil would always say yes to him. He said yes when Dan begged for them to go  _anywhere_ , he said yes when Dan pleaded for the pair to go on a gondola ride, and Phil said yes when Dan lowered onto one knee in Italy and asked if Phil would maybe marry him if he wanted to. He had never felt a wave of happiness so quickly in his life. He began to cry, his tears dripping on Dan's shoulder while he beamed larger than he ever thought he could. He felt a though somebody placed a sun in him  

He thought the value of their life together would only increase, every single year. They went to the pound, and saved a small dog. They named her Bella, and she ran around their legs until they leaned down to pick her up and pet her. Bella would chase around the leaves of Phil's house plants, until he shooed her away. She spilled water and dog food everywhere and Dan and Phil would always have a quick match of rock, paper, scissors on cleaning it up. Every time, Dan would hoot with victorious laughter than slowly filled up the house. It dripped into every corner and crevice until everywhere Phil went was the happiest. 

But one little time, Phil asked Dan to go to the store instead of him. The two wanted to watch a movie, but they were out of snacks, and Dan insisted on pizza and sweets. Dan left, saying that he would be home very soon, and he asked Phil to wait until he was home to start the movie. He snagged the house keys, and left with a quick "be safe, love you!" from Phil. 

It was a car accident. A car had rammed into Dan, as he was texting Phil that he was just down the street. He was trapped behind heat and metal, and he felt so much pain he thought he would be ripped apart. 

His last words were clumped inside his quickly collapsing lungs, and they were saved for Phil. They would always be for Phil. 

Phil, at first, was in complete shock. It started with a cold, bitterness that spread throughout his body like a disease.His fingers felt heavy and numb, and twiddling them felt like a difficult task. He was strangled with words, they clogged his throat and nose until he could barely breathe. All he could do was let out long, horrible shrieks in a desperate attempt to breathe. He slammed his fists onto the wall, he smacked his face several times,bit his fingers as hard as good, it was a dream, a nightmare.  He slid down the wall, inhaling sharply. Tears, they must have been tears, were streaming down his face as he slowly torn himself to shreds. They left nothing in their wake, just the cold that continued to burn. He had forgotten what it felt like to be crumpled up and stomped on when he was with Dan, and it came back. It came back hard. He curled into himself, still  letting out screams of seething pain, and all he could feel was his heart folding into itself and being lit on fire.

No, he decided, fire was far too fast. 

He decided that his heart was freezing over. 


	2. The Both of Us Are Running Out of Time

Months passed. At Dan's funereal, Phil spoke for him. He prepared a long, carefully written speech.  He kissed Dan's cheek where his dimple used to show when he smiled. 

He watched the clock tick. 

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick. 

Phil wondered if time could stop. He remembered his first kiss with Dan. He wondered then, too, if time could stop. He felt like everything was made of syrup, he moved so slowly. He remembered his hand shaking as he ran it up Dan's shoulder, shaking even more when he shifted his head lightly and placed his hand on Dan's jaw. He remembered Dan puckering his lips too much from nervousness. He was so giddy. 

He didn't feel sad now. He didn't feel like crying anymore. 

He no longer posted videos. He didn't water any of his house plants.

He hardly smiled. 

It was dark.

It was cold.

Phil didn't even care if it would ever end.  

He would shout for countless hours at anybody who asked him anything he didn't know the answer to. 

He couldn't control it, it just spewed past his lips without a single thought. 

After he had shredded away his breath trying to answer, he felt nothing else. 

 

 

Phil felt nothing.


	3. Brightly Colored Drinks in Brightly Colored Bars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of self harm, mentions of one night stands, swearing, mentions of thoughts of suicide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is swearing, but it's minor. Also, while there is no smut, there are mentions of it. It's in a highly negative light.

Everything was just so stupid. 

But what was Phil to do? 

He received texts from his friends, begging him to come hang out  even if for ten minutes. Endless calls piled up in the back of his mind from his mother - any voicemail  was difficult and Phil hated listening to them. He hated listening to his mother's voice ring bright red and clouded in concern, causing it to be raw and cut up. He regret clicking "decline", but how could he regret anything more than he regret meeting Dan? 

His thoughts were crumpled together and thrown away. 

Phil grew to cling to blades and brightly colored bars with brightly colored drinks. 

His arms and legs were as brightly colored as the bars and drinks. There were reds racing across his thighs and in his cheeks, and deep blues, sea greens, and vibrant purples blossomed underneath his nails that he dug into small, moon shaped cuts. The night sky of every quiet night of crying hid underneath his eyes, heavy and dark. 

If he drank something, it had no taste. If he looked at something, it was as though he was looking through it. He felt cold straight down to the core. Ice cold rain constantly drenching his inside slowed him down. It made him tired. 

He didn't want to meet anybody else, he just wanted Dan, but if a stranger could look like Dan, he would be enough for Phil for just one night. 

Nobody was as beautiful as Dan. 

Nobody was as creative as Dan.

Nobody was as fucking _perfect_ as Dan was, but it didn't matter what Dan was anymore because Dan was dead and the bars were full of dull life. He wondered if drank  _just enough_ that he'd forget Dan entirely and wake up happy again. 

Nobody cared if Phil came home with the loudest buzzing in his head and the world spinning so fast it wasn't even a shape anymore, nobody cared if he was vomiting bits of his life away in the morning. 

He didn't care if came home at all. 

That is, of course, until his keys went missing. 


	4. The Missing Keys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Phil's keys go missing, he simply assumes it's nothing. But then, of course, why would anything be nothing with him anymore?

Phil had turned his apartment completely upside down. Granted, it was the most he had actually done since Dan died but it was still him up and moving, so nobody could complain. He was incredibly cross about it - his keys continued to go missing. He knew he couldn't misplace his keys given that there was a dish by the door so that he could set his keys there before laying in his bed, motionless, and unfeeling for several hours to just redo the entire cycle the next day. He  _knew_ he wasn't the one moving his keys. He asked his friends and family who had been coming over regularly if they had seen his keys or perhaps took them on accident. 

Nobody knew where they went. 

One day, Louise was over. She smiled lightly and listened to Phil as he raved. 

"Nobody has seen my keys today - I've been finding them in the silliest places. Fun fact! I found them once under Dan's pillow. I don't even know how they got there! I don't go in his room!" he said. 

Louise raised an eyebrow. 

"Are you sure you didn't go in there for anything? Maybe you left your keys in your pocket or something," Louise asked. She handed a cup of coffee to Phil. He took a quick sip of it, and looked back at her. He had been improving. There were no bags underneath his eyes today, and he was sat up and drinking his coffee without looking nauseous.  

"i'm positive! I...don't like going in there," Phil said and took another sip of coffee. He looked down and rubbed his eye. "I'm sure I haven't done that before. Besides, how would my keys have ended up beneath his pillow?" 

Louise placed her hand lightly on Phil's.

"I don't know, Phil. Maybe it means something?" she asked, taking a sip of her own coffee.

"Like what?" he said quietly. Louise shrugged in response and he simply groaned back. "It's not even just me keys! His bed has been messy, and I  _know_ that I've asked everybody to stay out of there." 

Louise rolled her eyes at the sight of Phil's pout. 

Several hours later, when his keys went missing again, he started yelling.

"Ugh! Whatever curse you want to hold against me, let it go! Quit stealing my keys, you stupid unknown thing!" 

His blood thickened into freezing streams when he heard a whisper from the dark itself. 

"Are you sure you want me to?" it said. He could have sworn it sounded just like Dan...

Needless to say, Phil screeched as though he were a cat whose tail was pulled. He left, and somehow Louise found him on her doorstep. 

"What happened?" she said, completely shocked. 

"It's a long story," he said quickly. "But I think I know why my keys have been going missing." 

  


End file.
